I'm Going to the Moon Tonight, You Should Come

Last night I had one of the coolest dreams I think I've ever had. I dreamed I was in outer space.

I was in a rocket ship with an astronaut. At first I didn't think he had legs, but I looked over and he was working his leg muscles on a treadmill (like they have to do to make sure they don't lose muscle mass). I was sitting by a little window looking out at all the blackness and stars and we flew passed the moon! The astronaut had to hook his suit up to something on the window for some reason, and when he did, the window began to crack and then it smashed open. Then it was really windy in the rocket ship.


Then I was flying around in a rocket ship with my dad and my older brother, who was steering. We were flying all around the blackness of space with stars all around, and I think this is when it started to get a bit scary. We were trying to land on the moon but my brother flew passed it and then we got lost and couldn't navigate our way back to where the moon was. So we landed on a planet. The planet was just like Earth - there were houses, towns, streets, trees. It was nighttime. We got out of the rocket ship and walked around a bit. Then I ran in to my old friend. She asked what I was up to. I asked her if she wanted to come to the moon with us. I said something like, "I'm actually going to the moon tonight, I seriously am, you should come!"


For a short time I was lost with somebody in a swamp. I was trying to jump over the water onto dry parts of dirt but kept falling in a bit. I think I went inside some sort of cabin.


And then I was back with my dad and brother and we were by a house in a neighbourhood. We looked up to the sky and found the moon! So we got back in our rocket ship and flew back off into space.


I almost always remember my dreams from each night; they are always quite vivid. I actually have myself a dream journal where I record dreams I have. I'm really into dream interpretation. Dreams are only replays of your thoughts and experiences, so I'm always interested to know how I'm subconsciously feeling.

According to my dream book and dreammoods.com, outer space represents a metaphor that something has just come out of nowhere. This makes absolute sense seeing as I have actually said to myself how it seems like I went from needing a job to finally getting two of them and it all came out of nowhere. Stars in a dream means you will receive good news, which gives me shivers because I was actually offered the job I really wanted today. Interesting.

Slow Down and Be Patient

Trees in my backyard. A reminder of patience.

I picked my mom up from the train station today and after the train pulled in I noticed nearly everybody running and rushing and hurrying out. I kept thinking to myself, everybody is running, everybody is in a hurry. I wanted to step outside of my car and shout at them to relax, slow down. I knew they were running to their cars to get ahead of the traffic that would soon build up, but all I could think of was, just slow down for a minute. I wanted everybody to hear me and just stop. Just stop everything they were doing for a moment. And then carry on slowly.

I thought about how their work days are lived. Rushed, stressed, hectic, busy, mindless. I think about how I don't want to live like that.

I am practicing patience. I'm generally a pretty impatient person - I get it from my dad. And I know that I do not want to house that trait. I told my mom to remind me each time I'm being impatient, to be patient. This morning on my way to work I had only a few minutes left to get there and there was traffic bumper to bumper. I could feel a sensation of impatience creeping up inside of me, but I combated it by simply reminding myself that getting worked up over it would not make the cars move any faster. And you know what? The cars seemed to move a lot faster.

Art and the Art of Being You

When I paint I lose sense of my surroundings and I just embrace myself in the experience. The feeling of stroking paint across canvas and blending colours together is much like a massage for my mind and eyes. It's frustrating and discouraging when you can't get it right, but there are no words to describe the feeling when you step back and take a look at what you have created.

Art fulfills in me a sense of freedom.  A sense of who I am in the deepest inner layers of myself. I have been artistic my entire life and I never want to lose touch of that foundation.

As I have gotten older I have been able to express the artistic side of me in various different areas of my life. I think I always have had a rather different perspective on things than a lot of people, but it hasn't always surfaced. Only my life in the past year have I really begun to define myself and explode with passion in every direction.

I think it is so imperative for everybody to discover themselves and to be their own individual and to not step into the wild world of conforming or living up to some silly idealistic, societal standard. I don't know how innocently discussing my art has turned into this discussion, but, there are so very many societies and standards and rules around this world that we ought to remember who we are and what we want, need and deserve as our own person. Let's just do what makes us happy, hm?

My Cats

I have grown up with lots of cats. We kind of ended up collecting them. Rather, my mom had trouble putting her foot down when we'd beg for them at the pet store.

Beginning from fourteen years ago, we had: Ginger, Sebastian, Whiskers, Tessy, Tara, Scarlet, Paws, Panda, Ava and Riley. Ginger and Paws we kept for a very short time; we got rid of Whiskers for refusing his litter box when we introduced Tessy; my dad's ex-girlfriend claimed Scarlet; we put Panda down last year; and Sebastian (best cat in the entire world) was put down last week. So at this time I have four cats. Tessy and Ava at my moms house, and Tara and Riley at my dads.

I have learned a lot from my cats. Each of them have their own unique personality. My mom and I have talked about this before - those who don't have cats don't understand them, and those who don't understand them are missing out big time! Cats are very amazing animals. Humans develop a bond with their pets just as the pet develops a bond with their human. And I have had very strong bonds with my cats. Here is a collage of some of my lovable beauties:

From top left: Sebby, Tessy, Tara, Panda, Tessy & Sebby

Riley, Tara, Ava in a basket! and myself with Tara.

Miss you Seb and Panda!

Cloudy Day Walk

I live about a five minute walk from Lake Ontario. Today was cloudy and cool and windy and beautiful. I really love cloudy days... there's something about a cool, overcast day that makes me feel centered and quiet. It always reminds me of being around my mom when I was very little, when I lived at my old house. 

There were tons and tons of monarch butterflies fluttering around me (I tried to get one to land on me). I stood on a cliff and just watched and listened to the waves down below. I just love having the world surround me.

Time is a Slippery Fish

It's already September and most of my friends are movin back to school for their second year in University. The summer went by so fast, in fact, time has gone by so fast since last September. It's already been one year since I moved into my lonely bachelor apartment. And then moved into residence in October. And then dropped out in December. It literally seems like a few months ago that I was in college, but it was almost an entire year ago! I can't recall time ever seeming to go by so fast when I was younger.

This whole time-going-by-so-fast thing really makes me think about how much I want to absorb everything that is happening every day! Soon enough I'm gonna be in my seventies and I'll wonder where the time went. I talked to my nana about this today. She said to me "20 is so young. Even 30... 40...50...60... Nah, I suppose there are people older than me" (a woman in her seventies trying to feel as young as she can, he he he). She looked as though she could remember so clearly the days when she was my age.

I always think about the things that I want to tell to my child(ren). All of the things I did when I was young, all my experiences. I think about what I am doing at this age and I imagine telling them all my stories.

For the next year I need to work every waking hour to pay off the money I owe from college, and then finally pursue my goals and dreams next fall! I really can't wait. I don't have any regrets about withdrawing from the program I was in. I've had so much time this year to think about what I want to do, things I want to achieve, places I want to go, dreams I want to live. I am so incredibly ambitious. So many things I want to do right now not next year! Oh well, the time will come and all the anticipation will make it well worth it.

I'm just going to continue living life to the fullest and capturing every ounce of my youth.